The Dangers of Blame: A Reflection on Accountability

by Jonathan Bauman, MD, Emeritus ASAP Member

Understanding the Culture of Blame

It occurred to me that this would be a worthy subject to write about since we recently elected Donald Trump, the Master of Blame, to the highest office in the land. Blaming horrendous fires in California on Democrats, or a tragic air crash in D.C. on DEI, may satisfy blood-lust but is ignorant, destructive, and counterproductive. I am concerned that when our leaders serve as poor role models, it negatively influences how our young people behave.

I fear that blame, and its cousin bullying, is a toxic poison spreading through our culture with help from corrosive leadership and the internet. Targeting immigrants, DEI, or “libs” are only a few examples of this troubling trend.

The Psychology Behind Blame

I consulted Google’s “Gemini” AI about why humans are so quick to cast blame. Here’s a summary of their insights:

Humans are prone to blaming others for a variety of reasons. Here are some of the key factors:

• Ego Protection: This serves as a defense mechanism that protects self-esteem by avoiding feelings of guilt, shame, or culpability for negative outcomes.

• Emotion Regulation: Blame acts as a way to discharge anger, frustration, or disappointment without taking responsibility for one’s actions.

• Cognitive Bias: We often overemphasize personal characteristics and overlook situational factors when explaining others’ behaviors.

• Social/Cultural Factors: Blame can be a learned behavior that maintains dominance and avoids punishment.

• Evolution: Blaming others may function as a survival mechanism to maintain group membership and status.

  
  

While blaming others may temporarily soothe discomfort, it harms relationships and stunts emotional growth. Learning from one’s mistakes is vital, and fostering self-awareness, empathy, and personal responsibility leads to healthier relationships.

Cultivating a Non-Judgmental Attitude

These factors provide a useful starting point for thinking about how we discuss blame with our patients. First, it’s imperative that we cultivate a “non-judgmental” attitude in our practice.

Many of us have conducted "root cause analyses" of adverse events to identify system factors that contributed to a negative outcome. This is challenging work that requires curiosity and temperance. It's much easier to scapegoat an individual, but this approach is unproductive and often damaging.

People are imperfect and will make mistakes. We can minimize the risk of human error by developing comprehensive policies and procedures. A non-judgmental stance lowers feelings of shame and defensiveness, facilitating the gathering of essential information and creating a useful action plan. This applies whether we are dealing with two individuals or a group of twenty.

A Case Study: The Challenging Teenage Client

Consider a teenage boy referred for misbehavior, bullying, and cheating at a private academy. His wealthy parents have high expectations. The father is overly strict, while the mother is submissive. At home, praise is seldom given unless it's for stoicism or achievement.

The boy reports that the academy staff are incompetent and calls his fellow students "losers." Meanwhile, his parents criticize school staff for not enforcing discipline. With such deep-seated issues, you realize this will be a challenging treatment case requiring close collaboration with the boy's therapist. You may also discover that you, too, could become a target of their blame.

When working with individuals, couples, and families—whether prescribing medication or offering therapy—it is crucial to consider the various roles individuals play within their systems. Discussing behavior and responsibility is often fraught with emotion. People may perceive it as criticism, especially those who are self-blaming or projecting blame onto others.

Strategies to Address Blame in Therapy

My approach combines principles from journalism with Family Systems Therapy. I prioritize curiosity and explore the “who, what, where, when, and how” surrounding an event. I intentionally avoid "why" questions, as they can feel accusatory and often lead to excuses or rationalizations. Instead, I ask, “Do you remember what you were thinking or feeling when you did this?” This opens a dialogue about their feelings and actions.

The thesaurus tells us that the opposite of “blame” is “praise.” However, excessive praise can be harmful; it may reinforce false accomplishments or antisocial behaviors. More constructively, we can view shame as the true antonym of blame. Blame serves to reaffirm a person’s superiority over others in a group, while shame emerges from within and fosters fear of exclusion. If someone has never experienced shame, it could indicate a narcissistic tendency. In contrast, those familiar with shame may better understand their failures and empathize with their victims.

Are we nurturing a generation of narcissists in a culture saturated with blame, amplified by social media?

The Consequences of a Blame Culture

Yes and no. Some individuals cope with harsh criticism by “identifying with the aggressor.” This group often becomes mean-spirited bullies, channeling their hurt and anger from abusive backgrounds onto those unable to retaliate. Self-blamers, who may struggle with low self-esteem, often fall victim to these bullies. This group contributes to the rising incidents of anxiety, depression, and even suicidal tendencies among teens.

Those fortunate enough to enjoy “good enough parenting” are more likely to navigate adolescence successfully, developing emotionally and socially. But how many young people become lost in the chaos surrounding them? How many contribute to the crisis in adolescent mental health?

A Call to Action for Healers

Blame is easy; finding solutions is much more complex. Our conduct as healers—fostering insight, counseling families, and minimizing blame—can provide a valuable role model for adolescents and their parents.

In doing so, we may promote a culture of accountability rather than one of blame, steering our communities toward healing. By modeling this behavior, we can help change the narrative, making accountability the new standard.

One effective resource for further reading is The Dangers of Blame and Why We Need to Foster Empathy.

This approach can help us build a healthier, more resilient generation that learns to take responsibility, nurturing empathy and understanding in a world that often leans towards division and blame.